Monday, June 26, 2006

Friday, June 23, 2006

Dragonfly Summer................

Another crazy week goes by...
I had to go back to the inspection station for the 3rd time. Thank god, I passed this time. Emissions, Emissions....600 dollars worth. I hate old cars.. I hate my old car..
Then my husband needed work on his car....another $950...the big week of car repairs...
My boys are done with school now & summer begins for us. Which means I'm that much closer to....this whole crazy deal....
But I have July..................Dragonfly Summer...........Ly

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Keeping it together...words to myself..



Well, it's early morning...6am and I've been up since 4:45 for the last 3 days or so...Seems the mind goes 'wild' with thoughts, lying in bed staring at the ceiling.. I thought I was done with waking up early! I was doing great last month or so. Very emotional last night with hubby... He's a trooper trying to keep me grounded. Yesterday just felt like this all was very overwelming... Of course it is!
I play my music every morning..I guess a kind of meditation with song?
was upset about the boys. I was told by my surgeon's nurse that they won't be allowed in the hospital(my room) on my second week... I really will miss them. Kids have to be 12...come on'??........Ly

Hummingbirds are coming regularly to the backyard now. They seem to visit me when I need to smile...all very strange but wonderful.........

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Just...thoughts.....



I had a visit yesterday from a good friend. As we sat in the backyard having our lunch, my hummingbirds made themselves known to her... She was amazed how close they came..we could almost touch them! She commented on how lovely my garden looked. I grinned... I explained I wanted the backyard as beautiful as it could be while I was recovering. I presently am making sure I have perennials that will bloom each month to keep the flowers coming.. The only flowers I still don't have & must are roses...I have time yet to find that special rose!
Honestly, After this week is over, I have 6 weeks or so left before surgery.. wow!!! I have now been trying to 'sit' more and relax.. kind of like a meditation state.. I never ever have been one to 'sit' so this is a new venture for me. I have always, like a lot of moms, been running with my boys.. Birthday parties, baseball games, & playdates fill our time.....shortly now, it will be time to take a brief 'time out' to reflect(when not in pain-ha,ha) on how wonderful life has been!!!
As I watched my little men get on the school bus this morning, I observed how they have grown this spring! They are handsome, happy, boys...they have beautiful spirits.. I am so thankful for them every day now, even if they did knock my spine off a bit!
Another friend came up to me last night at our baseball game & said she heard about my operation.. She is a cheery, up beat person, always smiling! She said "you will be so happy you did this", "you will be able to wear things you never could & feel so much better in the long run & your MEN will come thru for you with flying colors!" I smiled... as she continued, " you are in such good shape from chasing 2 boys around, you'll come thru this fine!" "You have a great surgeon"
WOW! As I walked away from her, I realized the power of positive thinking.. Surround yourself with positive energy! Luckily, the majority of my friends & family are that way! Even my 80 year old mom, who is scared out of her wits about this, stays positive...at least to me! I hate to have to put her thru this...but she is a strong woman who survived the Great Depression! She'll be ok!
Of course, as I get closer to this challenge, I will have my own fears, it's only natural...but then I think how fortunate I am to be going to an excellent hospital like HSS with an excellent surgeon & team by my side. Many a times now I think of the less fortunate in Africa, where my Surgeon & many others on his FOCOS team provide these operations for children & adults with the funds they have raised. Many wait so much longer than I for operations,& in way worse conditions. They need these operations so much more than I. They don't get to be in a plush world renowned NYC hospital with all the amenities..like I. But... they do get my surgeon & his team if they are very lucky....
Makes all my complaints & whining seem so silly...& I hope that who's ever 'up there looking out for me', will remind me of that as I walk into HSS at 6am 'that morning'...Ly

Sunday, June 11, 2006

what a week.......



This past week has been a trying one...My husband seemed to have caught a virius & had been having fevers every night this week... his highest had been mid-week, registering 104.8.. very scary to say the least. We got him to the Doctor's & he was given an antibiotic and he finlly seems somewhat better today. Lime disease crossed my mind so we shall keep an eye on it..
The thought did cross my mind that this poor guy is going to have a lot on his plate very soon & he needs to be as strong as he can to handle all that comes our way. It really gave me a reality check that I will be so dependent on him for a time....I think I'll start feeding him granola & sunflower seeds...they seem to be keeping me healthy.
So I decided to create a small collage of pictures to bring with me to the hospital this summer to keep my sanity. As I pulled out an old photo album from the top shelf of the closet, out fell a piece of folded paper.. I opened it up. It was typed. I got my glasses & started reading it..It was freaky! The first line said...I am a free woman today, no more brace! I was completely taken back. I don't remember ever writing anything about those years in my brace. Here was a typed paper filled on 2 sides with my feelings on ending my time in the Milwaukee Brace... It made me teary eyed.........again, the tears..right?? Oh well, nice ending to a rough week....
Maybe there really is a golden sun at the end of all this.............!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

More on my Hummingbirds...I'll take the good luck...



If I get up really early, say, 5:00 or so, like I did this morning, I have a chance to catch the hummingbirds at the feeder for their breakfast...Yes, now their are two of them, maybe more..
So I researched these beautiful, speedy birds...
Seems they need to eat from 2000 flowers a day to survive & to go thru the night, they slow down their metabolic rate & go into a kind of hibernation. The hum of their tiny wings is music to people's ears..Each kind of Hummingbird's wings hum at a different note on the musical scale.. Hummingbirds bring the gift of joy! They are a 'good luck' messenger, taking our prayers to the Great Creator. They are doctor & healer..The Hummingbird has the power to travel long distance under great odds & obstacles........ this from "Spirits of the Earth"...
I really like that!!....................................Ly

Monday, June 05, 2006

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Lombard Street.....

Lombard Street reminds me of my spine...

About test day....

So now I have recovered from 'test day'. I have to say, for the most part, everything went smoothly.. I first did my Bone Density test. It was really easy & quick. The technician was really sweet although she proceeded to tell me all about here medical issues caused by stress. Poor girl..
Then my husband & I headed over to the hospital, about 2 blocks or so away, for my other tests. I did a Echiocardiogram. It was real cool to see a sonogram of my heart. After that, I went on to the Pulmonary test..It was basically a breathing test that lasted way too long.. I was out of breathe by the end of it. I needed water.
The MRI was the last test & the only one I was not too thrilled with. I was proud of myself for not acting 'wimpy' & proceeded in to fill out the papers.. My husband, knowing I would be there for a while, left me & went out searching for food. They then called me in & I thought I was doing great until I saw a woman about 55 or so crying with many tissues in hand, explaining to the technician that she just could'nt do it... she had tried to go in the tube-closed MRI & got sick..
Oh well, me being me, I tried to console her along with her husband.. They decided she would do the open MRI when it was available which was much later..
I got called in & tried to be calm. The MRI Guy there was goofy & nice. He gave me the eye mask and once I was lying down, I got it right on and all was sweet...
Once I was in the tube, he called in on the mic to say it would be 28 minutes for the lower MRI. No problem, I thought.. I can do this.. He played my Beatle cd & I was fine until he calls in in a loud voice that we have to go longer than planned. Seems he can't fit all of me on the screen...my lovely curves. He said we probably had to go another 30 minutes or more.. Anyhow, it was a long MRI but of course, I wanted him to get it right so I did'nt have to do it all again in the near future. If I ever wanted to scream my head off it was after an hour of not moving. I was aching, hot & sticky & happy to go when finally he called in that I was done...I could finally scratch my arm where it itched...I stopped seeing aliens...
Last appointment was with a Lung/critical care guy. My husband & I were walked back to this little cubby-hole of an office where a little, tiny Japanese man who looked like he was about 90 sat at his computer..Turned out he was very pleasant indeed. He asked a lot of questions and wrote everything down that I answered. He explained how important your lungs are in this whole thing..well, yea.... I got the feeling he would be checking on me at the operations but I did'nt ask.. Then he continued on that this was a big, big operation. He said that if someone needs a spleen out they just cut a certain area or if it's heart surgery(I'm thinking, oh my god, heart surgery is major, right??), it's just one area...but with this, they have to do lots of cutting of the muscles etc...& as he went on, my lips started to quiver and shit, I knew I was past the point of holding back. Out came the tear drops & before I got to a full cry thank god, he smiled sympathetically and made a comment that I'll most likely live another 40 years and we laughed..Why do I just want to hug every Doctor I see lately?? Hopefully at Pre-op next month I'll hold it together but I can't promise anything at this point. I mean, you're talking to a woman that cries like Mark Messier, the great Ranger hockey player...He cries all the time when he gets awards & whenever he cries, I always do to.. He's a lovely guy... I cry when I'm happy or sad...I cried when Bambi lost his mom for godsake...what can I say?????????
Needless to say, we collected our stuff & left the Dr's office. Hubby looked about spent & me too...I never so much wanted to hug my boys. And when I finally got home that evening I hugged them real tight..........LY

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Test day....

Ok, so today I go in for my tests...
I feel great and want to get on with it...
I won't see my Doctor today, he's out of the country...But I did get all my questions answered by his assistant yesterday......but I still have my pre-op appmt next month....
Did you ever read about my Doctor?? He's fantastic!!! He's a great humanitarian... & he'll be here all of August...thank god for that....Ly