5 a.m.

5 a.m. is the worse time for me.......I wake up & I'm thinking about my dumb back. I know I'm getting more accepting of this whole thing day by day but 5 a.m. stinks! Time to get on & enjoy the day........................lel

Exercise with a smile!

I stated my' walk' program yesterday. My girlfriend, who was a physician's assistant(ironically!) prior to having her kids, decided to go with me. We bundled up & ventured out into the windy winter weather of NJ! I felt so good when I got home, it was invigorating!
I have this enormous craving to do everything(within reason) physically, that I can fit in-in the next 7 mths! Is that about all I have,already??? I want to cross country ski again...I wanna rollerblade this spring....I want to sky-dive(ok-I won't do that this spring or next for that matter) I want to walk, walk, walk everywhere!!! God knows I'll be sitting on my butt after this operation for a while reading,watching tv, reading....in pain! Ouch! & I thought root canal was bad. I actually never had pain with root canal....
I got a copy of my insurance predetermination sent to me & I had to gasp! It listed all the hardware that was needed for the op! It sounded like the list my carpenter would need to work on the house! cement,screws, metal rods???tell me know more!!! As long as I don't rust, I'll be ok...or squeak like the tin man.
My boys always like friends over to play. One boy from my son's class came over the other day. When the mom picked him up, she asked when my son could come over. I really wanted to say-AUGUST!!! SEPTEMBER!!! But I did'nt.... But I know my good friends with kids will help me out at that time. I hope.......
Oh, one other note...my husband on pouring a glass of wine last night, reminded me I'd better enjoy the cabernet now!!! Believe me, I'm not a heavy drinker but I do like my cabernet sauvignon when I do up my special dinner recipes...tonight I'm making beef bourgignon. you can't have that without wine!!!! LEL

I don't know why I'm so happy & sad.....

My mom turns 80 this spring! My oldest sister has organized a mini get-away for the 4 of us to Maryland in June. It will be a nice surprise for my mom. My sister thought it would be good timing for me too before the August surgery. It's funny, but I can't remember the last time the 4 of us were together (without the men & kids). It will be nice.
My husband is also busy planning some trips for me & the kids before August comes. Maybe a cross country skiing & sledding trip to start. And I'm sure he'll find some other destinations to take us to after that... we'll be busy!
Today, I fell into a bit of a funk around mid-day. I think I heard a song that struck a chord & made me teary. It was a rainy, crummy day, of course. Though it was'nt long before I felt 'up' again. I just presume Ill have all different emotions throughout the next few months. Certain times, I just get so scared about the whole thing. My cousin who had an operation last summer said waiting sucks......& today I have to agree..................

I have a surgery date.....

The nurse/coordinator called back today & gave me August 1st for my surgery. I feel so much better with a date. My girlfriend e-mailed me with " I like the thought of body work being done as a new month begins, good omen". I laughed. I hope so. I think I'll sleep good tonight....
Just a note: I hate my blog name but The Learning Curve was taken. I liked Curve City but my husband said I'd get whacky e-mails.....would like to change it but don't know how?? Backattack sounds to rough....
also would like to add my x-rays but still new to how to do that?

set the date........

My boys & a friend are doing a sleepover tonight. All I hear is them laughing in the next room at Madagascar on the tv. My husband's enjoying it too, with his eyes closed.
I really do feel so much better. There's no pain in my side anymore. I slept great the last 2 nights. I guess I feel my back dilemma is resolved. I called this past Friday & left a message for the nurse that I was good to go for August whenever... pick a lucky date! Now it went thru my mind that it's vacation time in August & I hope all the important medical personnel would be there. Otherwise, I'm flexible..I don't want any substitutes if you know what I mean. Whatever's good for my Doctor, & I'll be there. So I'll probably hear back next week with a date to mark on my calendar.
So today I was observing how often I bend down for whatever... I bend picking up all the dirty clothes that have been dropped on the floor. There's a piece of brownie I pick up. All the old newspapers I grab. I have to pick up Brett's matchbox cars or I'll kill myself trying to walk thru the den. It's really gonna be hard not to bend! Then I thought of the things I could do when I'm recovering. I used to sketch. Maybe I'll be able to do that. Just have to move my hand-right? That should be ok. I could try knitting again if there's a left handed friend that could refresh my memory on it. I'll start to jot down some movies I must see or see again.... Breakfast at Tiffany's( I love audrey hepburn movies) Giant with Elizabeth Taylor,rock hudson, James Dean. Will keep my blockbuster card ready for future use. I have a feeling my guitar will be rough to hold early on so perhaps later in my recovery...
In the next few months I will hopeful prepare, at least in my mind, what I need to do before I'm out of commission for a while. I think I'll start to meditate........that will help!

Decision time..........

I talked to the Dr.'s nurse yesterday on the phone. Asked her about a surgery for August... She said they are up to booking march and april now. Did I thk she'd say we are booked forAugust??? maybe?? I did'nt know what to say. She said "talk to your family & then decide". When I asked how much they could correct my curve, she said everyone's different, they really can't tell until they open you up. I do know that after meeting my Dr.just once, I intuitively feel I have fallen into the best surgical hands there are. I had 2 signs that lead me to his office in last month. My boys Dr. had noticed my back early this summer,& said she had a patient who's mom had surgery by him and was doing well. She got his phone # for me. I really did'nt think I would call... A couple weeks later, I turned on Good Morning America for the weather & there was a Dr. & a little girl he had helped . Seemed she had a severe scoliosis case... His name sounded like the one my kids Dr. gave me. I ran down to the computer & typed it in...it was!!! I feel that some force, spirit, angels, god, whatever, got me to move my butt on this issue & get checked. I was just scared to go cause I knew it was'nt gonna be pretty!!! Thank god, I stopped being a coward & did it. Now the next step is really much harder. I feel like I'm diving off a cliff! I've never been a good decision maker & now the decision of all decisions...needs to be made. & I think I'm coming around...

today......

I don't have any set surgery date yet but I know I will within the month. It's the right decision, I know now. I'm afraid to look at my x-rays again. They are truly scary so I won't put them on my blog yet! The curves are 60 thoracic & 60 lumbar, with a thoracolumbar curve of 95. I'm really proud of facing my fears & going into the Big Apple to be checked by a specialist. And he says he can fix me, somehow..... I could only hold the tears back so long & then....that was that. My husband had to ask the questions. I guess the last few years I've been worried since the Dr. I went to in NJ. told me I should have had an operation when I was 15-end of story, goodbye. And I cried then too when I got out the door.. I did'nt like him anyway. He was ugly & did'nt have good posture....goodbye too!!!
Can ya imagine how many people in NYC have scoliosis??? I honestly never thought there was so many people that had it until I read the sciolosis forum. Wow! I was amazed. I learned a bundle in a couple days. Is'nt the internet just great?! People on the forum were talking about the pain involved, the drugs to kill the pain & their incisions.....and the hardware used to straighten them out. Did they have front or back surgery or both??? I think I absorbed too much to soon. I needed to rest. My back hurt.
Then I wonder how my 3 men are going to handle this? I'm sure they will do fine. They will have to count me out of kickball & baseball this summer if I'm operated on. I'll be the cheerleader...that's not so bad............

my very own blog! 1st note...my opener

Hi all! Like anyone but me is reading this?! This will be my therapy....my journal of da spine!
Let me give you a little backround of what brought me to this crooked point in my life. At about 15, I was diagnosed with scoliosis. I went with my parents to NY Medical to see Dr. Engler(what a nice man he was-wonder if he is still living. Looked him up on the internet but no luck. Geez, he's got to be 80...) Anyhow, the answer was I needed a back brace. We went to Monsey,NJ to have a milwaukee brace made. Casted on my bod.....what an experience! Yuk! I wore it for about 2 years. It was kind of rough cause I had teeth braces too & all that metal on my body made me nervous in lightning storms. I did play tennis (on the High school team) with my brace. Learned a really cool backhand too! My highlight of the brace memories was having an hour out every day in the summer to swim-yippee! I also rememer Brian whatever, after a tennis match, putting his arm around me and feeling that solid hip. What a woman!
That's all I remember of that. The brace went in the garbage & I went on to college. It was said my curves balanced each other!
Well I went along livin' my life. Which I must say has been really good. I have a great husband & 2 really cute boys. they are 7 & 10. I would'nt change a thing... but I gotta tell you, that second pregnancy knocked my spine out a whack. That was 6 years ago. That's when I started feeling the old crooked spine ache. I belive that's when I lost height. Pregnancy does take its toll on us women. I made the right decision to hold at 2......& I could'nt be any happier!