Many moods..........

My family came for Easter and it was a lovely day. I really have a wonderful family. Everyone is so supportive on this upcoming surgery. My sisters are realizing how 'big' of a surgery this will be. I'm so thankful to have a good family & friends. I will need them all very much...
The boys have a cd with Beatle songs redone. Whenever 'Help' comes on I sigh...Help, I need somebody, Help, not just anybody....Helpppppppppppppppppppp!!!!
When I was younger, so much younger than today. Never needed anybody's help in anyway. But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured...Now I find I"ve changed my mind, I've opened up the door..... My new exercise song!!!
I guess I am a little sad this morning...the house is quiet...
Jen & I are going to Paneras for lunch today. She is a real 'up' person. She will help me today .................Helpppppppp!!!!!...........Ly

There will be time to sit......

I have been good at not thinking about the upcoming surgery & hospital stuff. I'm a little nervous about the testing day. Just want that all to go smoothly... When I do think of it all by the end of the day, I'm more thinking about how long I'll be out of service & maybe a little bit about the pain factor...
My boys ran around like 2 puppy dogs today..how will I ever keep up with them??? I can't now.. Anyhow, I need to learn to sit down more & not run around multi-tasking & running after them so much! Then again, from August on, I will be sitting a lot & lying down a lot...
At least I did some things on my 'to do list' before surgery like rollerbladin' & bike riding. Biking up the hill to Jen's house ain't gonna happen! I guess I'd better get in shape, at least before I get to the beach.........Ly

I'll be ready....

It's a beautiful spring morning and my boys are home on school break. I have to be in good shape to 'shoot hoops' later with them. No real back complaints today. Saturday was'nt so good. I was achey all through my hips down to my crotch. Scared the heck out of me..felt like I was so tight in my mid-section, hard to take big breaths....I'm 101% sure I've made the right decision for surgery. less than 4 mths to go...but who's counting????Ly

Coastin' along..........

Yeah, I'm coastin' along pain free & happy... Spring is in the air although a little chilly in the northeast. 4 months to go & I think the pace is picking up. I'm busier..good! I'm happier with the winter over..good! I have'nt had any dreams(nightmares)of surgery for a long time. A while back I'd wake up some mornings(ok-many) seeing my Dr. looking over me-- augghh! Now he's gone! As long as he's back for the real thing. Today I went to Kessler rehab. facility and they want me to work there a couple days a week. Since they know I love cooking & baking, they want me to teach a few groups of patients some recipes....another good thing as Martha Stewart would say! They know I'll have surgery in August so that's all cool. They said I could come back after I'm better. Funny thing is I'll probablygo there as a patient right after surgery if I qualify. At least I'll know the people & facility!
My best girlfriend Rachel fom high school says she read that after a major crisis/problem in your life, there is a present at the end of it. I can't wait for mine. This whole thing is a life test on patience/endurance & mental strength...so maybe I got my present already??? The test is'nt over yet but I'm working hard & staying a float......Ly

much better....

All I can say tonight is THANK GOD for TYLENOL PM......LY

Help is on the way?? (I really hope so)

I now notice that I post more entries when my back hurts. I am extremely sore today. A continuation from yesterday... I was on my feet for 3 hours baking today & I should have known. Thank god for the heating pad! I hope I'm better tomorrow. Days like this I know I need these upcoming operations but I am tired of trying to be brave. I'm scared out of my mind.....& everything hurts .........

lip balm, bendy straws & gas-x?

On cleaning up the house this morning I find mini basketballs, plastic golf balls, marbles in the den. Somehow, they rolled out of the playroom early this morning...We probably have a thousand balls in the house not including the garage. Of course, that's what boys play with... This will be a good job for 2 boys to do this summer. They are supposed to put away their stuff every evening in the playroom before bedtime. Yeah, right.. Where is Super Nanny? I wish she could be here this summer. I could use her.. I can see me hobbling around this summer trying to go around the matchbox cars, crayons & BALLS!
I'm starting to think about stuff I'll need right after the operations. I will in no way forget lip balm, gas-x & bendy straws...the important stuff, right?? Thanks to the forum for that. Maybe I'll treat myself to some lip balm today!
On to pick out a paint color for the bedroom.........Ly

Picture of me with my guys.....ly

Keepin' busy.....

I have been so busy the last few days with baking! I must have made 15 biscotti loaves the other day. It's quite an experience being in a busy kitchen. I like the hurried atmosphere, it's invigorating. Perhaps I've found my place.
Doors seem to be opening up. I got a call from another gourmet shop that needs a chef(entry level) for 3 days a week. wow! I could become very busy. At least for a few more months... I'll learn what I can before my 'time off'. I also got a call back from Kessler Rehab. & they can use me for baking and visiting patients. I really think I would like that! I decided a while ago that I wanted to help in any way I could with people recovering from operations & such. Funny how we are led down a certain path.....

Chocolate Cake

I had a great weekend! I will be baking again tomorrow so I worked on a couple different desserts. Unfortunately, my chocolate cake recipe from The Culinary Institute Cookbook was not to die for... The icing was to die for not the cake. What did I do wrong?? The cake was'nt as moist as it should be...
So Bill is trying to help me put some pictures on here. Maybe soon.... Which would be better, chocolate cake creations or x-rays of my spine??? I'll take the chocolate cake!

home made granola...........

I woke up today with this horrible cold which was passed on from the boys. I had some coffee & made my own granola & somehow that stuff always makes me feel better. Must be the honey & cranberries in it. I think I'll start putting some pictures in this blog. I would much rather put my food creations in here than spine x-rays. Maybe I'll eventually change this to a food blog.....
I got the my dates for testing & pre-op for June & July. Do I feel better about that??? Yes! I just feel better with everything on the calendar. I think the office already has me down as a pain in the Ass patient.. already...
You know that guy on Miracle Workers (abc)?? I looked up his name it's Redmond Burke. He's actually a real Doctor... He comes walking into the surgery room in a beautiful suit. Wow!!! He'd certainly make me smile...................Ly

Patience..I say...

I think I have been handling all this surgery stuff fairly well. Of course I think of it every day whether it be early morning or late at night but I don't dwell on it..
But today was different.. I don't know if it was the warm weather making me feel like spring here or just that I feel I've almost reached the halfway mark of waiting. Have patience, I say to myself..& myself says stick it! I always was a patient person but today I am not! I seem to want to rush thru the next few months & Just Get This Over With! But I really don't want to rush thru Spring & part of the Summer without thoroughly enjoying it..I do want time to prepare & get in shape. So let me summarize this: I want the next 4 months or so to get things together & enjoy my freedom to go where I want to, do what I want but I want the operation day after tomorrow...? YES! It's just the waiting that sucks! My cousin was so right!
I emailed the nurse today to try & set up the June testing day. I also asked her to see if the Doctor could just give me some clue as to where I'll be fused. I want to be an L-4 or I'll take an L-5 at the lowest...please... I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
I guess at this point, I just want to know I'm not just another number to be called in. I won't even see my Doctor until July 27th for the pre-op & questions which is 5 days before I go in.. I really -really want most all of my questions answered before then. Even if I give the nurse a headache.... that's the way I feel...no patience! Ly

things I'd like to do before surgery.......

Bill just told me I should read Atlas Shrugged while I'm recovering from surgery. auughhh! I know it's a great piece of work but I think I'll look for something a little shorter...thks Bill...

things I'd like to do before surgery:

1 go to the beach...alot...
2. go on the rollercoaster by the beach with my boys
3. go to France ( only in my dreams, but my niece is there so I can look at her pictures & live
vicariously thru her)
4. learn French
5. ride my bike to Jen's house...up hill...
6. ride my bike anywhere
7. see lots of baseball games..(too many..)
8. work in my garden for hours
9. rollerblade (yes, I'll wear my helmet, mom)
10 Drink lots of red wine...
11. go to many, many restaurants far & near
12 watch David Letterman monalogues
13. Drink lots of white wine...
14. Have Turkish food.....I never have
15. Go to Niagara Falls (Bill told me to put that in since that's where he's taking us...)
16. Go to Cooperstown,Ny on our way to Niagara Falls.. to see theBaseball Hall of Fame...everyone should see that before surgery(somehow I don't think that is for me) . Bill told me to put that in...

things I'd like to do after surgery this August...


1. Be thankful for my life..
2. sleep well..
3. walk well..without a walker...
4. laugh without hurting myself
5. learn french (I'll be fluent )
6. look at my beach pictures
7. play board games with my boys
8. walk downstairs, & out the back door to look at my garden & hummingbirds...
9. read...I have a long list...that's another countdown...
10. watch movies...I have a long list........that's another countdown...
11. stay positive...that should be #1
12. record David Letterman monologue to watch( when I can laugh without
hurting myself...)
13. rent some good comedy movies (ditto...)
14. send notes to all my family & friends for their support...

Spring...yet???

Is it Spring yet? I am so ready for it! I am ready to do my spring clean-up...ready to garden again...ready to rollerblade while the boys ride their bikes... ah, yes...
I have been once again consumed by cookbooks... This past weekend I made a tomato,onion& basil tart with my own tart shell. I was grinning from ear to ear on making that tart shell! I also made some chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing from scratch & there are none left so they must have been good.
I am gearing up for my comfort food party on Friday...just a few couples, mind you, but I need to plan my menu.. It goes something like this: brisket in the crock pot with a brown sugar sauce, individual small beef bourginon pot pies/with puff pastry, shrimp scampi, & wings...oh & corn muffins.. I have been experimenting with desserts for weeks so something will stand out by weeks end...those cupcakes were good...
I really have not spent a lot of time thinking about my back..must not be hurting! Only thing I wonder is when the Doctor's office will send me my packet of information..I'm still on the early side but hey, by the end of March, I'll have only 4 mths to go?? I do have to confess that once again I had a dream(or nightmare) about waking up in surgery. There was no one there...where was everybody? So there that left me up with the birds this morning! I unfortunately can't control my subconscious..can I?! I do think of others that I have met from the forum who have had the surgery & are recooperating. I send them all my prayers & wish I could hug them all but that would hurt.. so I'll send them cyberhugs today (to Pips, Kat & Suzy in CA.) I can only guess what toll this all takes on the human body...& mind but don't let it take your souls!!!
Quote from Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet...And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy... page 52.............Ly

fortitude....

Well I have been bakin' away.. more & more biscotti & I created a few new flavors! Seems this place appreciates my talents. So it's not Emeril's place but it's a start! I just wish my back would'nt ache so much. It has been bothering me since last night when I was out at a friend's house. My mistake, I did'nt grab the couch in time & ended up on a straight back chair..not good for my spine. Tonight it still hurts & I think I'll need my herbal heating pad again. Hubby, Bill has started to call me granny....yikes!
Lately, it seems that I have become quite accepting of the whole scheme of things to come. I have stopped waking up at 5:00 am. & instead can't get up. I have been baking up a storm & Bill has been gaining weight! I am inspired now to paint the bedroom...& other projects. My new outlook on all of this has made me more positive & happy! I have wonderful boys & a loving husband! They will be fine through all of this....this I now know. This will be a very big challenge for all of us but now I feel we can handle it. Yes, I still have moments of doubt but not as bad.. The length of time I am under anesthesia scares me . All the pain killers, side effects of, scare me( I rarely ever take a Tylenol for anything). No appetite scares me(I love good food..& drink..) The Morning of Surgery scares me... do they put me out right away or do I sit there waiting for my Doctor & staff to get their coffees & donuts???these things I think of now.
I also get concerned about my Doctor. Will he be in great shape the day of my surgery? Will he have had enough sleep the night before since I could take 8 hours or more? a selfish concern, I know!!! I have even had more silly thought but that's enough...for tonight...
But now, at least, I don't plan on losing to much sleep over all off this cause what would that do for me?? Notin'......................ly

Sam,You made the pants too long...

I was just cleaning up the playroom where the computer sits and I started laughing when I thought what my mom said the other day.. I told her I'd be going shopping at the mall one day & she said & I quote: " Don't buy any pants because you might end up quite a bit taller this summer." My mother is very practical & always brings a smile to my lips!
Today I took Brett to his friend's birthday party & a movie. My jeans really dragged on the ground. I think this pair always did but I had to roll them up more. I already supposedly lost 3 to 4 inches already so I hope I hold there until this summer. I'll be happy if I at least gain 2 inches after these operations.....Ly

I feel great, so no operation???

Do you have those days when everything is right with you & the world & your back does'nt bother you??? & maybe you, like I, say"I don't need this operation after all"? I even went sleigh riding with the boys....I may pay for that later, perhaps....
Am I crazy to go thru with these operations...???? I mean I'll have two of them...will it mean twice the pain??? I can even put up with the pain I guess but the constipation..don't go there. It all brings back memories of the birth of my second child, Brett. I have wonderful memories, don't get me wrong, of his birth but after...the constipation was quite unpleasant...My nurses probably have not forgotten me.. still.
On a funny note, my husband Bill is already buying up a huge inventory of wines to endure the summer from Hell! He will need it(if he can save some away from me!!!) more later...Ly

more & more biscotti.....

Well I worked again yesterday baking my biscotti! I baked so much biscotti that I'm kind of sick of it at this point... I was on my feet the whole time & my back did ache by the late afternoon. I have to say that this morning I feel good! Maybe it's because the snowstorm is over. I probably have arthritis too???
I would like to eventually put my x-rays on the blog but my curve is really, well, really curvey!! Hope to get it on at some point.
Pips seems to be doing well as expected!!! Only one operation, great news! Seems the Dr's feel the thoracic curve will correct itself over time! I so wish that will be my case too! I really don't think so since I was told it will be 2 operations, one after the other....Oh well, you can only hope-right?? I have the kyphosis(80%) which will take some time to straighten out...I guess...
I found my french tapes while cleaning out the storage room & I think I'll get back to learning a language when I'm recooperating this late summer/fall...
well got to finish making my black bean soup & then on to experimenting with some new desserts while watching the Olympics.

ps. good wishes to pips & kat(have'nt heard from her yet but sure she'll be keying in soon)

So my husband informed me last night he'll do the laundry once a week or every 2 weeks when I'm disabled this summer. Does he have any clue how much laundry is done here?Is he kidding??No, of course not...don't sweat the small stuff I tell myself.
My mom also informed him that he will see her way too much this summer/fall. Can you see my 79 yr old mother cleaning my toilets?? AUgghh! She is in great shape but please!!!! I know my husband won't clean them. Anyway, I know I won't be thking of that kind of stuff when I come home from surgery...
I did just get a p/t job yesterday. I'll be doing some baking for a gourmet deli by me. They liked my biscotti. This is will be a good thing & keep me more busy for now. In the future, after I get through with this challenge, I'd like to find a way to help others who have similar operations that leave them helpless & dependent on others. Maybe I could volunteer my cooking services or do laundry or grocery shop....
Just thought I'd mention that I found a internet site on scoliosis & it had a woman's story about her decision to have the surgery. It was a very- very detailed account of her hospital stay. What tubes were in her etc...... I pretty much skipped much of it. I like Spine whine's diary of it all....was more acceptable to me...................Ly

confessions...

I decided from today on, I will only vent my back complaints here. Let's face it, my husband & best friends have heard enough already(esp. my husband). But my back HURTS today. Ok, I confess, I got the leaf blower out yesterday & cleared the backyard of left over leaves. I mean it was so warm out for a so- called winter day. & how heavy is the leaf blower?? But when I woke up, I was more twisted than usual. Maybe it just the way I slept.... sometimes I feel like my ribes are touching my hips when I sit & they probably are...yikes
Today I feel like I just want to get this over with(already!) maybe I'll feel different tomorrow?I'm sure pips & kat can relate....They're almost there.