I can drive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I went driving in the Jeep!!! I turned the key in the ignition & backed down our steep driveway! My 2 little men watched me from the front door...they looked very concerned yet clapped! My husband took a peak too! I felt good..a bit taller & a bit confined in my brace but I so wanted to DRIVE!!!! I got down the driveway & took off thru the neighborhood, waving to those I knew!!!!! 10 minutes later, I came home feeling like a new woman....I did it!
I plan on driving only within my town borders for now....but what a feeling of independence...& I have a full tank of gas....yea!!!! Tomorrow, who knows, maybe the Library!!!-------------------Ly

Physical Therapy 101....Mon & Thurs nites..ouchie!

Physical Therapy 101: well let's just say that 6 pm last night was my 2nd P.T. visit & I woke up with pain & aches at 2am this morning, moaning for my pain meds...My husband nudged me & blabbed out that I fell asleep at 11:00 & did'nt get my 11:30 dose of percoset...therefore..up at 2 am in a panic....took the pain med & very slowly,if at all, did I improve. I then woke up again at 4am to wander thru the house in pain.....I'm gonna wrestle my Physical Therapist, Aaron.........He seems like a very nice guy outside of his job & I know as he says, in the long run ,I'll be in great shape..but for now, he's killing me.....I told him I'd write about him in my blog...& so it is.....why can't we just walk, I ask him?? I like to walk...he says I need to do all these other exercises to rebound from this surgery....bend my legs this way & that, go on my sides, lift my legs...I'm gonna kill him! & why is there only about 3 people doing P.T. when I go in? It's empty in there so that means I have him watching my every move...40 on the left leg, 40 on the right..keep going......I can't take a break or cheat one time cause he's always there by my side..........Physical Therapy 101 hurts & is keeping me up at night...! May I please have the weekend to rest- no soccer or baseball games, just leave me home to rest, please!------ Ly

Did Sam Champion say rain tonight & tomorrow..??.

where are my pain meds...........? Ly

whatever goes on the floor..stays on the floor in my house...

I drop a quarter, I drop a dime.....I'll pick them up...sometime.....whenever I find my grabber....I never know where I've put my grabber?? I try with my toes but I ain't too good at that............I guess I'll just leave everything on the floor where it falls...just can't bend............Ly

I'm so tired.....time to pace myself....!

This morning I walked quite a bit on the street where I live.....I was doing great going down the street which is a cul de sac....but it took me a loooooong time to come back up the street!!! Seems there is more of an incline than I remember.....I felt like a 90 year old on the way back with my cane.....then it was into bed for a nap.....I'm so tired......Time to pace myself....Ly

1st post-op appointment....what a relief!!!!

Yesterday morning my husband & I went to NYC for my first post-op appointment! I was quite nervous as was to be expected! I was concerned how well I would hold up what with the long car ride(2hrs,turned out to be a bit longer with traffic...) to the city. I brought 2 comfy pillows and my big ice pack! I was prepared! Thankgod for the supplies because I needed the relief by my surgeon's appointment which was 1:30....Luckily I got into a waiting room by 2:00 or so and I could take my brace off & lie down until Dr. Boachie & Dr. Kim came in! Hooray! I did standing x-rays and all looked good...although I was in shock on seeing my own spine with screws in it....ouch!!! I really think I'd rather not see x-rays at the 3 month appointment..may I close my eyes?????
I almost cried on seeing my Doctors, but I held up.... Everytime I think of my much deformed back now being normal....I tear up.....they are wonderful & I will never forget what they have done for me.....I am finally feeling like myself again...just a better me! Time to walk....... LY---

The start of my Recovery...........

Here I am now at 4 weeks post-op and actually feeling quite chipper today! I really have not felt much up to adding anything to my blog for quite a while since it means sitting for a length of time. I will be quite honest....as a another post-op woman on the forum has said..."it ain't no walk in the park" this recovery thing,...& I thought of that many a day in the last few weeks. This has all been a very humbling experience. It has taken most of my mental & physical strength to deal with the ups & downs of it all. One day I feel pretty good & the next day I don't feel so good....The pain has, for the most part, been fairly tolerable and I now am only taking one pain med, percoset, as I need to. I have never been a pill taker so I tend to make a nasty face every time I must take more pills... My goal is to be off the heavy stuff sometime next month. But for now I do what I must do to control the aches & pains. I mean, hey, it's major surgery here, so my body has to heal. I try and be a good patient and rest whenever I feel fatigued. Friends & family say how fast I am recovering so I try to stay positive. My appetite has been fairly good yet I crave certain foods at times. Today I am craving Mallow Mars... I do think I'll have my husband check for them on his next shopping day!
My men have come thru with shining colors! If I decide to stay in bed for dinner, they deliver my food to me. The boys are making their beds,most days. Something they never did before. The older of my 2 sons is vacuuming when I ask him! My loving husband has taken the most on by grocery shopping, cooking,cleaning & doing laundry. I cried the other day when he put my sneakers on & tied them so I could go out for a walk....pain meds make you emotional! Everything I worried about with the home & my family seems to have all worked out. I'm so proud of them! Why did I worry?
My friends....well I cannot even tell you how much they have helped me to get thru the hard part of this recovery. Friends have called me just about every day to take my boys to the movies,to their houses to play etc. People have brought me flowers & brought us food.....It has been so amazing....I am so thankful to everyone.
You can never have enough friends.....................Lynne------ more later.....

One of the many Lighthouse's in a Thousand Islands, N.Y. State....

Ok...I'm back and maybe can sit for 5 minutes.....

wow! is all I can say! The last few days I got hit with major rib-removal numbness/tightness! I can't really describe it except you feel like your one side is sticking way out like a big tin can...very weird..... so that knocked me out each evening even with full pain meds dose! I am also no longer a morning person! I can manage to get up to get a cup of coffee & toast & then time to get back in bed!
In fact my computer time will now end cause my lower back is killin' me....more later!
My mom is here with me. I feel like I have an FBI. agent assinged to me...she watches me like a hawk....boys went early to my good girlfriend's house for the full day. My husband took them early this morning before work so it should be peaceful here all day...I need that................more later.....Ly

Feelin' somewhat like myself again......

I seem to be bouncing back at a nice pace.....
Kessler is a fine facility & the nurses are great people.....I even snuck a Briar's Rootbeer from their staff fridge to go with dinner & the kid working the snackbar let me take it for free(I got no money on me!) Seems the good stuff like that is for the nurses & Dr.s, staff, I guess....but I was desperate....told him I had massive back surgery & got his sympathy........then raced out with my wheelchair..............yea, I zip around in my wheelchair all day when they don't chase after me for P.T... They actually search the place for ya if you are'nt in class by 5 min.s of...........geeez!!!
Oh by the way in case my back craps out on me(though just had pain meds), as far as height goes, I'm a giant.... seems I gained at least 2 inches...although to add to it, I've been on my back a lot so ya know the gravity thing & all...seems to be I'm 5'6" or 5'7"..On check out from the hospital with my Dr. I asked him as I stood face to face with him how tall he was..he said 5'9".I asked him do ya think I'm 5'9" & he said "maybe!"
One assistant/nurse came in & he said he needed to make me more comfortable since I looked so uncomfortable...he said someone so tall as me should'nt be dragging her feet over the bed rail! I love this man! Plus he was damned cute! Which brings me to the P.T. personnel of HSS hospital in great NYC... They were all great looking people & exceptionally nice. Two of the guys(about 25) brought me into the bathroom on my first ever after surgery walk & they, I thought would leave me there for privacy issues....no way, they hung out while...I was too drugged to care & they were too gorgeous...Plus the bathroom also had a million dollar view overlooking the East River & it was Sat or Sun(don't remember) & the boaters were passing by one after another......so I waved & cheered....

I'M BACK>>>>>>>>>>>>>!

Hi all,
I'm here at Kessler Rehab & just came out of P.T.! all is moving ahead, small steps of course! I want to thank you all for the sweet thoughs & prayers! All was a success & I can tell ya I'm much taller with no hump on my back... Noticed today in P.T. that I can lay on the gym mat on my back....never could before.....weird feeling & made me tear up....
I am 10 minutes from home so my men have visited me everday... Hugged my boys so tight & yes, cried again which upset them till they knew it was good tears!
My doctors were fabulous as I anticipated!
Had a great view of the East River(NYC) but unfortunately was'nt up to much or in the mood for viewing it.....too bad..... need pain meds so I will scout out my nurse who says I chase her when I need my 'stuff'..........more very soon.....Lynnie

Small Steps

Remarkably, Lynne has been on her feet several times over the past few days. In fact, she was able to cover a good amount of the floor in her hospital wing today with minimal assistance. It's hard to imagine given that one week ago she was heavily medicated and recovering in the PAC unit following surgery. As of now, she's awake, alert and making daily progress toward recovery. There's still a long road ahead but it's encouraging to witness improvement each day. We're now awaiting word on her release, which may occur as early as this weekend.

As you might have guessed, she doesn't currently have internet access, although if she did, she'd be able to update this blog on her own (another remarkable thought considering her condition just a week ago). In any case, I wanted to provide this update on her behalf.

Sincere thanks for all the kind messages in response to my earlier posting. I'm guessing that the next post will come Lynne herself.

Kindest regards,

Bill

An Update

Just a quick update on behalf of Lynne, from her husband....

All is well after a long day in the OR on Tuesday (as anticipated). She came out of surgery at about 7:30 on Tuesday evening and the doctor assured me that all went well. She's currently in recovery and all signs are very good. She's anticipating about a ten-day stay in the hospital.

I'll try to provide another update in the coming days. But for right now, a cold Heineken beckons!

Time for My Make-over.....

Will be taking a bit of a break now from my 'therapy' writing...it has served me well! Now getting very close to my 'make-over' date! This journey has amazed me & made me strong!(I'll need the strength..mentally & physically)
Hubby will attempt to log on & write a few words when he is back.........
INHALE/EXHALE slowly & Breath...DEEP! Gotta keep repeating that the next few days.........
Time to click on the RAMONES-'"I Wanna Be Sedated" video..........

See ya........................................................................
to be continued.......soon....

PRE-OP: The rollercoaster ride continues...& almost stops in it's tracks..

I always feel my heart beating a bit faster when in New York City... it's such a rush! Harlem, Manhattan & then the East Side...
The first 'big' day has passed now & I'm tired, relieved & happy that it's over... It was a bit trying to say the least...
I did my deep breathing on the car ride over while my sister tried to keep our conversation on other things...was'nt easy though..
We got to our first appointment(scheduled for 10:30), at 9:30 giving us ample time to grab a muffin & coffee.. Then we marched upstairs & soon were called in by the Doctor who would do my general physical & consultation.. I thought this would be a piece of cake but she threw the red flag up early & my heart literally stopped........It started when she raised the questions on my family history & high blood pressure...& blood clots....Did anyone in the family have any occurrance of blood clots, she asked..?? My sister & I went blank for a minute or two
& then sis remembered that middle sis had a blood clot after the birth of my niece, her first child. The doctor said this needed to be investigated...several phone calls were made to middle sister & then to her gynocologist to get some kind of information on this blood clotting... The Doctor said my surgery might have to be rescheduled what with the extra blood work now needed to be sent to the lab to be reseached. We only had a few days before surgery to genetically test my blood for this clotting factor. I was baffled & hit hard! I felt like I was tackled on the 10 yard line....close to a touchdown.. I almost lost it but stayed as strong as I could. It was all out of my hands now....This Doctor was very thorough & kind & was looking out for my well being...I certainly did not need a blood clot to complicate a major surgery.. But I cringed at the 'hold up'. I just could'nt have this surgery postponed, everything was in place & I was ready. I was so ready to go....But she had the niciest shoes I had ever seen on a Doctor & I liked her & trusted her.
By an hour later, the fax came through from middle sis's gynocologist about the blood clotting. Seemed my niece's blood had been genetically tested for other reasons & she had this MTHFR factor of clotting so I then needed to be tested...
I was then sent to surgical-pretesting & many blood tests were added to the other tests(8 viles of blood in all) What an trip it was....
Even though I lost a bit of confidence at the first stop where I was flagged, I went on positively, to the next test site. It was my chest x-ray. It was quick & easy & I picked up lost time & Big sis & I ran on to my surgeon's office down the street only a 1/2 hour late....thank god I was here & I could inhale & relax..somewhat...but still this blood thing would have to be discussed with my surgeon to see if it would hold up the whole show.........................................................to be continued....Ly

Finishing up here: I got into a waiting room & in walked an intern (he was adorable) & got my x-rays up there & measured the curves again & asked a bunch of questions to report back to my surgeon......then my surgeon came in & asked some questions & said we needed bending x-rays to see how flexible I am...all I can say is "ouch" I felt like a contortionist... they bent me every which way..& I'm still sore! Back into the waiting room & the intern measures the new bending x-rays...& the
surgeon is back in to check it out...seems I get a C+ on flexibility since I'm pretty stiff at the 'big' lumbar curve so he proposes to go with 2 small rods to straighten the lumbar curve. In that case, he may hold off on going up to T-2,because there's not much curvature up high... if he can't move that curved part much, he has to go to plan 2 & use big rods & go all the way up to T-2 & basically take apart the whole spine....what??? Hey, I trust him, he's the man.....On the blood thing: he says they will take the blood clotting precautions anyway, this Tuesday so the 'show must go on'.......thank god,...amen.....& Exhale.........Ly

ps. forgot to mention: surgeon took before digitals of me & I asked him for some copies of them....so I can let you see my before shots.....

PRE-OP tomorrow......

Tomorrow is the first of 2 big days...Pre-op...
I feel like I've been bunkering down in my little home, safe & far from harm... I've been gardening & even put my white Christmas lights back on the arbor that leads to the backyard.. My husband rolled his eyes when he came home from work yesterday & saw my creative touch... When I come home from surgery, the days will definitely be getting noticeably shorter..even now they are....so I want to look at my pretty lights & watch those crazy little hummingbirds...
I have been sleeping but only till 3am or so the last few nights.....then I snooze downstairs on the couch while watching info-mercials & Becker re-runs(Ted Danson)...makes me laugh...
I have been calm, though & busy enough these last few days so no tears or panic attacks! Perhaps the forces above have sedated my brain a bit already...
Hardest thing I see in the next few days will be leaving my boys with my sister. Who knows when I will see them....ahh they will be in great hands....& at this point they look at it with excitement, another vacation at the beach.... I have gone out of my way to make them secure with all of this & keep them carefree. It's just to hug them tight & say good bye...well...it will be the hardest part of all this....but I will rise to the occasion, I just know I will...............Ly

Crazy & out of breath

This week is just about over...& I am feeling good but a bit overwhelmed with all I wish I could accomplish....I'm pretty much out of breath & almost out of time... It's such a wierd, wacky feeling to know by August I will be in a hospital bed barely moving... all very strange...
I'm on the verge of something 'big' happening... so I'm getting butterflies in my stomach already...anticipation of the largest kind...I can feel it all building inside me now day by day...mostly good feelings, I think...
Several friends have called me to do dinner, or brunch so my days have gotten very busy. My sisters & mom have been in touch frequently to check on my 'condition'. I'm trying to enjoy all the attention but on the other hand, it makes me a bit queasy...ahhhhhhh! Why do I still think my sister will be dragging me into this Pre-op appointment... Drug me now..please.......'I wanna be sedated'-remember that one by the Ramones?? 20, 20, 24 hours to go......had to just play it on the computer right now...I better bookmark it & play it the night before......... http://youtube.com/watch?v=wMD7Ezp3gWc

What a ride it's been.....

I was out in the yard pulling weeds by deep knee bending... not easy at all! Just practicing & getting my old knees ready! I was looking over my old posts that I made back at the start of this blog & thinking how far I've come on this journey! What a rollercoaster ride of emotions it's been....Now I have a week to go before Pre-op & then it's my turn...
Today I feel as ready as I'll ever be, I guess...I really just hope & pray I'll be as good, mentally, next week as I am this week....One can never tell... I'm just going with the 'flow' as best I can...
I just want to thoroughly enjoy my garden in deep summer now...I want to pull weeds, divide some June flowering perennials and watch my hummingbirds zip around the feeder... I'm hoping the boys stay as mellow as they have been(not too many band-aids this summer....)
There are some days that I wish I could push this all back a month now that it's lingering so close but I'm sure it's a normal feeling...
I guess it's time to go back outside & smell the lavender with the bees & enjoy deep summer...Ly

Last Blood Donation......oh no..here we go....!

So this morning was my last blood donation & I'm so glad... Everyone at the hospital was really nice but I've just had enough of pumping out blood if you know what I mean....
Ok so I feel the best I have felt through this whole process...I'm sleeping great.. I'm having fun everyday...I'm eating healthy....staying positive about this whole thing....& I'm not over thinking it....I think!
I just can't believe I have about 2 weeks to go now.....I do think my mind is blocking all scary stuff out for now....so who knows what I'll be like at Pre-op? I certainly don't...Ly

Drivin' to the Jersey Shore........

Finally......today we get to see the ocean...feet in the sand, boogie boards & all.......ahhhh...the Jersey Shore........Ly

silly but true....

I know this sounds silly, & perhaps it is...but I'm really gonna miss my shovel & metal rake...& wheelbarrow....I see them sitting at the corner of my yard... ahhhhha! so..I'll have to live vicariously thru the young landscapers who will do this stuff in the future.................! Ly

getting organized.....somewhat???

Ok, with about 3 weeks to go now, I have to get somewhat organized...not an easy task for me....
I have my drawers ready..clothes I think I'll need after surgery in the top couple drawers....
cd's I want to take to the hospital with me....
good pair of shoes/sandals to take...
Gas-ex..gotta buy & I can't forget...
nice light weight sweats/like pajamas...1 pair..
new sneakers for the boys so they are set for the next month or so...
haircut...soon..
teeth repair...!!!
Keep the house up but believe me, with 2 boys & husband here for 10 days without me it will look like hell anyway....ahhh!
New lamp for my bedroom. I hate the old one....don't want to stare at it when I'm stuck in my room for days...
new vacuum.....my mother hates my old one which keeps falling apart....
Ly

Pre-op 'secret' thoughts.....

Here are a few questions that I'll be thinking at pre-op but won't ask...ok maybe I might jokingly ask #1 but come on, would'nt you want to know??!!

1. What are you doing the night before my surgery....(no parties, I hope...)
2. What are you eating the night before my surgery. . ....
3. Do you play music in the operating room
4. what color is the operating room? It's always olive green in my dreams
5. Who takes my organs out & puts them back.. please don't have them drop my intestines, I've had that dream too.
6. How young is the intern working with you on me?? Am I his/her first case?
& 7. May I either scream or hug you at pre-op depending on my mood at the time...........................................................................Ly

Another Lighthouse....

The CN Tower, Toronto, Canada....

I really should have gone up to the top of this! I had a ticket but backed out at the last minute...what can I say? I was all ready to go up but when that elevator opened up & a lot(I mean a lot) of tourists piled in, I bugged out! The elevator had a glass floor so you could see all the way down. Am I now sad I did'nt go??? No way!!!!!!!!!!
More Blood tomorrow so I having a big steak tonight.
About 3 weeks to go till my surgery date, so I'm making every moment count..Ly

Giving blood means I'm almost ready to go????

Ok so I had my first blood donation yesterday.. I was a tiny bit nervous about it but it really was a piece of cake...The technician did explain to me I must keep my Iron up since it has to be above 11 for blood to be taken & I was 12.9 this time... Only thing that really bothered me last night was how tight the bandage was around my arm.. geez, I felt like it was affecting my circulation...& sun of a gun, when I finally took it off I could breath better & my chest stopped hurting...
Ok. so we do it again next Monday & the one after & then I'm ready & waiting at that point for surgery...
At this point, I am still on my vacation high & mostly happy & carefree. Still I had some scary thoughts this morning riding to the grocery store. I had to slip in my Lettermen CD, (Someday & Summerplace songs) again to calm me... & it worked, thank god........................LY

Toronto & Rogers Stadium...Go Blue Jays!!!

We all took a vote & this room view had to be the best we've ever had.... We could watch the whole game (which we did) from our room with room service, of course!!! The next night we went to the game which literally took us 5 minutes to get to our seats... I lasted 4 innings in those uncomfortable seats & proceeded back to our room where I could easily catch the rest of the game in a most comfortable hotel chair--yeah!!!! The boys could wave to me so all was good...
The highlight of our stay there was my son yelling to the National's center fielder, Myron Byrd to throw him up a ball while practicing... Myron attempted 3 times & bingo, we got a ball on the third throw up. What an amazing arm he has...went into our opened window & rolled to the bathroom....definitely the highlight of our Toronto stay!!!! We are still Yankee fans but Myron is our new favorite player on any team...Go Washington Nationals...Ly ps. yes the Blue Jays, the home team, were awesome too!!! They won both evenings....

Niagra Falls... & our great room view....

I have'nt been to Niagra Falls since I was 18... We had a cool view overlooking the falls....the boys loved it!!! Maid of the Mist was a given & we got soaked as should be...

What I did on my summer vacation in Cooperstown,NY.

Was there enough baseball cards in Cooperstown, NY??? Oh man, did my boys enjoy the Baseball Hall of Fame. It was fun for all just don't expect to sit down anywhere in the building. Lots of rooms & very few benches. Except outside. There was plenty there but the rains were wicked & kept us content in the Hall of Fame for a few hours... Cooperstown was cuter than I expected but wet...I have never seen so many middle-aged dads & sons in baseball attire.. very cute... very all- american..

Dragonfly Summer................

Another crazy week goes by...
I had to go back to the inspection station for the 3rd time. Thank god, I passed this time. Emissions, Emissions....600 dollars worth. I hate old cars.. I hate my old car..
Then my husband needed work on his car....another $950...the big week of car repairs...
My boys are done with school now & summer begins for us. Which means I'm that much closer to....this whole crazy deal....
But I have July..................Dragonfly Summer...........Ly

Keeping it together...words to myself..

Well, it's early morning...6am and I've been up since 4:45 for the last 3 days or so...Seems the mind goes 'wild' with thoughts, lying in bed staring at the ceiling.. I thought I was done with waking up early! I was doing great last month or so. Very emotional last night with hubby... He's a trooper trying to keep me grounded. Yesterday just felt like this all was very overwelming... Of course it is!
I play my music every morning..I guess a kind of meditation with song?
was upset about the boys. I was told by my surgeon's nurse that they won't be allowed in the hospital(my room) on my second week... I really will miss them. Kids have to be 12...come on'??........Ly

Hummingbirds are coming regularly to the backyard now. They seem to visit me when I need to smile...all very strange but wonderful.........

The Chesapeake Bay....we love lighthouses...

Just...thoughts.....

I had a visit yesterday from a good friend. As we sat in the backyard having our lunch, my hummingbirds made themselves known to her... She was amazed how close they came..we could almost touch them! She commented on how lovely my garden looked. I grinned... I explained I wanted the backyard as beautiful as it could be while I was recovering. I presently am making sure I have perennials that will bloom each month to keep the flowers coming.. The only flowers I still don't have & must are roses...I have time yet to find that special rose!
Honestly, After this week is over, I have 6 weeks or so left before surgery.. wow!!! I have now been trying to 'sit' more and relax.. kind of like a meditation state.. I never ever have been one to 'sit' so this is a new venture for me. I have always, like a lot of moms, been running with my boys.. Birthday parties, baseball games, & playdates fill our time.....shortly now, it will be time to take a brief 'time out' to reflect(when not in pain-ha,ha) on how wonderful life has been!!!
As I watched my little men get on the school bus this morning, I observed how they have grown this spring! They are handsome, happy, boys...they have beautiful spirits.. I am so thankful for them every day now, even if they did knock my spine off a bit!
Another friend came up to me last night at our baseball game & said she heard about my operation.. She is a cheery, up beat person, always smiling! She said "you will be so happy you did this", "you will be able to wear things you never could & feel so much better in the long run & your MEN will come thru for you with flying colors!" I smiled... as she continued, " you are in such good shape from chasing 2 boys around, you'll come thru this fine!" "You have a great surgeon"
WOW! As I walked away from her, I realized the power of positive thinking.. Surround yourself with positive energy! Luckily, the majority of my friends & family are that way! Even my 80 year old mom, who is scared out of her wits about this, stays positive...at least to me! I hate to have to put her thru this...but she is a strong woman who survived the Great Depression! She'll be ok!
Of course, as I get closer to this challenge, I will have my own fears, it's only natural...but then I think how fortunate I am to be going to an excellent hospital like HSS with an excellent surgeon & team by my side. Many a times now I think of the less fortunate in Africa, where my Surgeon & many others on his FOCOS team provide these operations for children & adults with the funds they have raised. Many wait so much longer than I for operations,& in way worse conditions. They need these operations so much more than I. They don't get to be in a plush world renowned NYC hospital with all the amenities..like I. But... they do get my surgeon & his team if they are very lucky....
Makes all my complaints & whining seem so silly...& I hope that who's ever 'up there looking out for me', will remind me of that as I walk into HSS at 6am 'that morning'...Ly

what a week.......

This past week has been a trying one...My husband seemed to have caught a virius & had been having fevers every night this week... his highest had been mid-week, registering 104.8.. very scary to say the least. We got him to the Doctor's & he was given an antibiotic and he finlly seems somewhat better today. Lime disease crossed my mind so we shall keep an eye on it..
The thought did cross my mind that this poor guy is going to have a lot on his plate very soon & he needs to be as strong as he can to handle all that comes our way. It really gave me a reality check that I will be so dependent on him for a time....I think I'll start feeding him granola & sunflower seeds...they seem to be keeping me healthy.
So I decided to create a small collage of pictures to bring with me to the hospital this summer to keep my sanity. As I pulled out an old photo album from the top shelf of the closet, out fell a piece of folded paper.. I opened it up. It was typed. I got my glasses & started reading it..It was freaky! The first line said...I am a free woman today, no more brace! I was completely taken back. I don't remember ever writing anything about those years in my brace. Here was a typed paper filled on 2 sides with my feelings on ending my time in the Milwaukee Brace... It made me teary eyed.........again, the tears..right?? Oh well, nice ending to a rough week....
Maybe there really is a golden sun at the end of all this.............!

More on my Hummingbirds...I'll take the good luck...

If I get up really early, say, 5:00 or so, like I did this morning, I have a chance to catch the hummingbirds at the feeder for their breakfast...Yes, now their are two of them, maybe more..
So I researched these beautiful, speedy birds...
Seems they need to eat from 2000 flowers a day to survive & to go thru the night, they slow down their metabolic rate & go into a kind of hibernation. The hum of their tiny wings is music to people's ears..Each kind of Hummingbird's wings hum at a different note on the musical scale.. Hummingbirds bring the gift of joy! They are a 'good luck' messenger, taking our prayers to the Great Creator. They are doctor & healer..The Hummingbird has the power to travel long distance under great odds & obstacles........ this from "Spirits of the Earth"...
I really like that!!....................................Ly

Lombard Street.....

Lombard Street reminds me of my spine...

About test day....

So now I have recovered from 'test day'. I have to say, for the most part, everything went smoothly.. I first did my Bone Density test. It was really easy & quick. The technician was really sweet although she proceeded to tell me all about here medical issues caused by stress. Poor girl..
Then my husband & I headed over to the hospital, about 2 blocks or so away, for my other tests. I did a Echiocardiogram. It was real cool to see a sonogram of my heart. After that, I went on to the Pulmonary test..It was basically a breathing test that lasted way too long.. I was out of breathe by the end of it. I needed water.
The MRI was the last test & the only one I was not too thrilled with. I was proud of myself for not acting 'wimpy' & proceeded in to fill out the papers.. My husband, knowing I would be there for a while, left me & went out searching for food. They then called me in & I thought I was doing great until I saw a woman about 55 or so crying with many tissues in hand, explaining to the technician that she just could'nt do it... she had tried to go in the tube-closed MRI & got sick..
Oh well, me being me, I tried to console her along with her husband.. They decided she would do the open MRI when it was available which was much later..
I got called in & tried to be calm. The MRI Guy there was goofy & nice. He gave me the eye mask and once I was lying down, I got it right on and all was sweet...
Once I was in the tube, he called in on the mic to say it would be 28 minutes for the lower MRI. No problem, I thought.. I can do this.. He played my Beatle cd & I was fine until he calls in in a loud voice that we have to go longer than planned. Seems he can't fit all of me on the screen...my lovely curves. He said we probably had to go another 30 minutes or more.. Anyhow, it was a long MRI but of course, I wanted him to get it right so I did'nt have to do it all again in the near future. If I ever wanted to scream my head off it was after an hour of not moving. I was aching, hot & sticky & happy to go when finally he called in that I was done...I could finally scratch my arm where it itched...I stopped seeing aliens...
Last appointment was with a Lung/critical care guy. My husband & I were walked back to this little cubby-hole of an office where a little, tiny Japanese man who looked like he was about 90 sat at his computer..Turned out he was very pleasant indeed. He asked a lot of questions and wrote everything down that I answered. He explained how important your lungs are in this whole thing..well, yea.... I got the feeling he would be checking on me at the operations but I did'nt ask.. Then he continued on that this was a big, big operation. He said that if someone needs a spleen out they just cut a certain area or if it's heart surgery(I'm thinking, oh my god, heart surgery is major, right??), it's just one area...but with this, they have to do lots of cutting of the muscles etc...& as he went on, my lips started to quiver and shit, I knew I was past the point of holding back. Out came the tear drops & before I got to a full cry thank god, he smiled sympathetically and made a comment that I'll most likely live another 40 years and we laughed..Why do I just want to hug every Doctor I see lately?? Hopefully at Pre-op next month I'll hold it together but I can't promise anything at this point. I mean, you're talking to a woman that cries like Mark Messier, the great Ranger hockey player...He cries all the time when he gets awards & whenever he cries, I always do to.. He's a lovely guy... I cry when I'm happy or sad...I cried when Bambi lost his mom for godsake...what can I say?????????
Needless to say, we collected our stuff & left the Dr's office. Hubby looked about spent & me too...I never so much wanted to hug my boys. And when I finally got home that evening I hugged them real tight..........LY

Test day....

Ok, so today I go in for my tests...
I feel great and want to get on with it...
I won't see my Doctor today, he's out of the country...But I did get all my questions answered by his assistant yesterday......but I still have my pre-op appmt next month....
Did you ever read about my Doctor?? He's fantastic!!! He's a great humanitarian... & he'll be here all of August...thank god for that....Ly

metal mama.....

so I found out today that I'll probably be fused from T-2 to the sacrum....I knew I needed help but that's basically all my spine is'nt it??? Plus it sounds like my surgeon will use one of my ribs to help get rid of my 'big hump'....
I do trust my surgeon since he's one of the best(if not the)in the land..but they tell me he'll have an intern working along side him(on me)....did I need to know that??? I don't think so..........................Ly

Beachin' it up.......

Beautiful weather & the boys love the 'surf'......

No more Mall trips.....

I am really not one to shop to much these days but I had to get to the mall for some last minute gifts for my mom. This weekend is her 80th Birthday party and she definiely does'nt lok 80 at all! Of course, these days, you can't tell anyone's age anymore...She's in great shape too. I swear, at this point, my mom could beat me around the block.. She's planning to come up & help me after the operations.. My husband knows she's like having a cleaning woman & by all means wants her to come! I keep picturing my eighty year old mother cleaning the toilets here & it just does'nt sit well with me...Hopefully I'll be drugged up enough & won't care..
Anyway, about the mall... I was pathetic.. I have to say I did start out fairly well & seemed to be zipping around from store to store. But 45 minutes later, I was achey an I needed a tums.. I had such major indigestion & started coughing....Lovely!
By evening, I was so sore & could hardly make it upstairs...
I think I'm done with mall trips......Ly
oh, one other thing.. I was able to pick up 2 cd's. The Beatles hits & The Lettermen. I have old albums & wanted them both on cd's to take with me when I have my MRI next Thursday. Don't ask me why these particular cd's. I guess all I can figure is this 60's music makes me feel relaxed since I've heard it since I was a kid..

Faith......

So I can secretly say here that I am going out in a few minutes to rollerblade..
I have been tempted to for a while, thinking that I may not be able to for quite some time after the operations....It's just so nice out that I can't resist...(Suzy in CA, I'll do a lap for you too!)
I bought the most beautiful purple Salvia's to plant around the house...The butterflies are already floating around the honeysuckle & Herbie has been here twice today at the hummingbird feeder. I'm waiting for the rest of his family to pay a visit...
Days seem to breeze by now & I'm living day by day. Enjoying all I love to do. Not to be too corney but in the last month or so a new inner strength has presented itself to me...a kind of 'peace of mind'about all of this. I'm learning that I'm much stronger than I thought I was and much more patient (ok, give me a B+..) than I ever thought I could be...So now as Carrie Underwood sings( I think she may be my favorite American Idol to date..) "Jesus...take the wheel..." & hopefully faith will steer me from here.........Ly

It was when I was in California last summer that I knew it was time to have my back checked....I was walking around Manhattan Beach & I felt I could'nt keep up with my boys...Maybe next time I'm there I'll be in better shape..........Ly

I've worried all I can worry.....I must be ready!

I finally got some paperwork in the mail yesterday from the Dr's office. All to do with my vitamins, blood donations & upcoming tests...I actually felt better with envelope in hand, walking through the yard, knowing I was almost there...
Because I actually am starting to get a bit bored by all of this.. I can honestly say I have hit the saturation point. I have worried all I can, I have researched on the internet like a mad woman and I have drove my husband absolutely nuts.... Enough I say!
I wonder if they play any music in the operating room? My husband said he hopes they play " Don't worry, Be Happy"(Bobby Mcferrin. He thinks he's such a comedian...LY

End caps of Bendy Straws...it's my lucky day!!!

I went to WalMart & got the deal of a life-time....500 Bendy Straws for a buck..
I have enough straws for me & all my friends for the rest of my life........wheeeee!

My hummingbird.........

So for days now I have had my Hummingbird feeder up & no Hummingbirds for days & days & days..........

Then this morning I go out the backdoor to check out my garden & BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!! He's here & almost damned flew into me & knocked my coffee over! He's so cute I can't believe it...& he's damned fast... He drank out of my feeder but he's really waiting for the honeysuckle to bloom. I hope he's around in all summer so when I'm sitting on my butt he can keep me amused. I think we'll name him Herbie unless my son insists on a Yankees or Rangers name. Somehow he did'nt look like a Jeter or Arod....but maybe a Johnny Damon???? Ly

On the high dive & don't push me.....

Why am I having doubts now???? All along I was positive this surgery was the answer....Is it just that I now have less than 3 months to go & am having cold feet already? Yes, I believe so......I keep picturing myself on the high dive with 10 people on the steps behind me saying...."Jump you idiot, it's your turn"........
Maybe it's because I really have been feeling ok lately. I can't say I've had any horrible pain...anywhere...besides a dull ache at bedtime...Maybe I'm all better & maybe...just maybe the curve has reversed itself from my positive concentration...!
Even eating has been easier & I have'nt had as much acid problems..
My husband asked again at dinner tonight if I have unbearable pain. Recently, I have to say "no". But I will feel bad again I'm sure....or will I? Why is he trying to bait me??? "You saw my x-rays, honey, they're horrible..." augghhhhh!!!
Oh well, I am trying to stay on the straight & narrow here but it ain't easy at all...time to get the boys in bed................Ly

Surgeons are cool.......

So I was listening to a speech by Dr. Mehmet Oz on the computer today....wow! He was saying that they tested several patients during surgery on word association. They hooked them up to earphones & gave them several pairs of words. What do you think of when your hear the word Black? Dr Oz said about 70% normally say "White"... Well they gave the patients in surgery the words Black & Brown as a word pair... When the patients awoke from surgery & recovered, they where asked what do you think of when you hear the word Black??? They all said Brown.... cool!!!
check it out..... at http://www.collaborativespeakers.com/speakers/oz_mehmet.html

gettin' away..........

Well I'm back....
We had a short get-away to a peaceful little town & I really got some R&R.. I slept in each morning & even took naps in the afternoon. We walked but not too far... My husband took the boys out with him for a jaunt one day & left me with my book. It was very relaxing for all of us...& my back did'nt hurt..
It seems to me that if I just lie down/sit for the rest of my life I might avoid what's coming round the bend.... I know that's silly....I guess I can't do that for too long...just thinking of ways out of this, I guess.......LY

More of the beach..........

Blinders please, I'm getting spooked.........

ahhhhh! It was so nice out yesterday that my desire to garden a bit grew too strong & I had to surrender to it. Last night at my son's baseball game, I paid for it big time. I again felt 80 yrs old....
A mom there had heard about my upcoming surgery from a friend and said "I'm having a colonoscopy at the the end of this week & I was crazy worried about that. Your surgery is REALLY major!" Then she realized what she said & apoligized... At least I made her feel somewhat better about her whole deal... We all would'nt admit it, but it helps when you find someone a bit worse off than yourself. Unfortunately, I'm the 'worse off' right now....auggghhh!
I think I'll take a deep breath & go back to being 'numb'. That's just the way I will deal with the next few months. Put my blinders on & trot straight ahead. ***Maybe I'm thinking about my Saturday 'Kentucky Derby party...pass the Mint Julips please.....................Ly
)

Blue Team/Sacrum...Red/L5...

Would'nt it be cool if all the curved people that had been fixed & staightened could meet at say a..convention center & show there before & after slides up on a big screen??? They could show their scars...and..tell crazy morphine stories while pressing the 'happy' button. Oh & even better, each person could wear a color coded paper on their back to show # of vertabrae fused... like blue= to the sacrum
red= to L5
yellow= L4
oh,oh,oh & then everyone could break into discussion groups by Thoracic on one side of the room & Lumbar on the other...just...a ..crazy..thought!

I love San Fran....

When I feel I'm slipping down into funk-land.......

When I start to get real sad about this whole thing & it's just gets too overwhelming at times,......I put on my old record player & start playing some old records...60's stuff...I can't be sad when I hear the Beach Boys! The old 'Best of the Lettermen'album with 'There's a Summer Place' makes me take a deep breath & sit back. How many people still have 'Meet The Beatles' & 'The Best of Peter& Gordon'albums with original cover & no skips???? Ha!
As the Lettermen now sing in there song...Smile....what's the use of crying...you'll find that life is still worthwhile if you just...smile....
Then the other thing to do when I'm real sad is to go shopping! I really really, could use a new pair of good sneakers...& maybe a plant or 2 when I pass by the farm???!!I'm on way up the hill from funk-land now.....that was a close one but I made it out! On with the beautiful day..........Ly

Good timing........

I have to believe I have 2 of the fattest squirrels in town, in my yard. They hang from the bird feeder in my crab apple tree until every little seed is gone. Then the deer come and camp out... Nothing left for the birds. As the trees fill in with their leaves, the squirrel & deer will move into the woods and I can again, watch the chickadees, cardinals & song birds visit the feeder... I am planning to add a hummingbird feeder in the backyard by the patio so I can catch more sightings of those speedy guys... They love my butterfly bushes & trumpet flower vines but they zip by so fast, I've yet to see them up close..
Lots of work to be done in the garden here but I am taking it slow..no need to hurt myself now..Last Spring I was quite a bit more active in the yard..many aches & pains to prove it...Now I try to sit more & look at my achievements. There is that little rock wall I created 3 years ago...and new garden area by the fence I dug...
Probably things I should'nt have done.....but no regrets here..
I am satisfied to have my Spring,Summer(half it anyway..)to enjoy before the operations.. Good timing?? I think so! By August, Mom's 80th birthday will have been celebrated, the niece's graduation parties will have been enjoyed...many beach visits will have been made, vacations will be over...and I will be ready to get my body make-over in NYCity. Timing is everything....! Ly

We're talking Baseball....

Games,games & more games...keeps us busy!!!

my little puppy dogs.....

They love to explore in the Spring..
must be a deer!

Many moods..........

My family came for Easter and it was a lovely day. I really have a wonderful family. Everyone is so supportive on this upcoming surgery. My sisters are realizing how 'big' of a surgery this will be. I'm so thankful to have a good family & friends. I will need them all very much...
The boys have a cd with Beatle songs redone. Whenever 'Help' comes on I sigh...Help, I need somebody, Help, not just anybody....Helpppppppppppppppppppp!!!!
When I was younger, so much younger than today. Never needed anybody's help in anyway. But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured...Now I find I"ve changed my mind, I've opened up the door..... My new exercise song!!!
I guess I am a little sad this morning...the house is quiet...
Jen & I are going to Paneras for lunch today. She is a real 'up' person. She will help me today .................Helpppppppp!!!!!...........Ly

There will be time to sit......

I have been good at not thinking about the upcoming surgery & hospital stuff. I'm a little nervous about the testing day. Just want that all to go smoothly... When I do think of it all by the end of the day, I'm more thinking about how long I'll be out of service & maybe a little bit about the pain factor...
My boys ran around like 2 puppy dogs today..how will I ever keep up with them??? I can't now.. Anyhow, I need to learn to sit down more & not run around multi-tasking & running after them so much! Then again, from August on, I will be sitting a lot & lying down a lot...
At least I did some things on my 'to do list' before surgery like rollerbladin' & bike riding. Biking up the hill to Jen's house ain't gonna happen! I guess I'd better get in shape, at least before I get to the beach.........Ly

I'll be ready....

It's a beautiful spring morning and my boys are home on school break. I have to be in good shape to 'shoot hoops' later with them. No real back complaints today. Saturday was'nt so good. I was achey all through my hips down to my crotch. Scared the heck out of me..felt like I was so tight in my mid-section, hard to take big breaths....I'm 101% sure I've made the right decision for surgery. less than 4 mths to go...but who's counting????Ly

Coastin' along..........

Yeah, I'm coastin' along pain free & happy... Spring is in the air although a little chilly in the northeast. 4 months to go & I think the pace is picking up. I'm busier..good! I'm happier with the winter over..good! I have'nt had any dreams(nightmares)of surgery for a long time. A while back I'd wake up some mornings(ok-many) seeing my Dr. looking over me-- augghh! Now he's gone! As long as he's back for the real thing. Today I went to Kessler rehab. facility and they want me to work there a couple days a week. Since they know I love cooking & baking, they want me to teach a few groups of patients some recipes....another good thing as Martha Stewart would say! They know I'll have surgery in August so that's all cool. They said I could come back after I'm better. Funny thing is I'll probablygo there as a patient right after surgery if I qualify. At least I'll know the people & facility!
My best girlfriend Rachel fom high school says she read that after a major crisis/problem in your life, there is a present at the end of it. I can't wait for mine. This whole thing is a life test on patience/endurance & mental strength...so maybe I got my present already??? The test is'nt over yet but I'm working hard & staying a float......Ly

much better....

All I can say tonight is THANK GOD for TYLENOL PM......LY

Help is on the way?? (I really hope so)

I now notice that I post more entries when my back hurts. I am extremely sore today. A continuation from yesterday... I was on my feet for 3 hours baking today & I should have known. Thank god for the heating pad! I hope I'm better tomorrow. Days like this I know I need these upcoming operations but I am tired of trying to be brave. I'm scared out of my mind.....& everything hurts .........

lip balm, bendy straws & gas-x?

On cleaning up the house this morning I find mini basketballs, plastic golf balls, marbles in the den. Somehow, they rolled out of the playroom early this morning...We probably have a thousand balls in the house not including the garage. Of course, that's what boys play with... This will be a good job for 2 boys to do this summer. They are supposed to put away their stuff every evening in the playroom before bedtime. Yeah, right.. Where is Super Nanny? I wish she could be here this summer. I could use her.. I can see me hobbling around this summer trying to go around the matchbox cars, crayons & BALLS!
I'm starting to think about stuff I'll need right after the operations. I will in no way forget lip balm, gas-x & bendy straws...the important stuff, right?? Thanks to the forum for that. Maybe I'll treat myself to some lip balm today!
On to pick out a paint color for the bedroom.........Ly

Picture of me with my guys.....ly

Keepin' busy.....

I have been so busy the last few days with baking! I must have made 15 biscotti loaves the other day. It's quite an experience being in a busy kitchen. I like the hurried atmosphere, it's invigorating. Perhaps I've found my place.
Doors seem to be opening up. I got a call from another gourmet shop that needs a chef(entry level) for 3 days a week. wow! I could become very busy. At least for a few more months... I'll learn what I can before my 'time off'. I also got a call back from Kessler Rehab. & they can use me for baking and visiting patients. I really think I would like that! I decided a while ago that I wanted to help in any way I could with people recovering from operations & such. Funny how we are led down a certain path.....

Chocolate Cake

I had a great weekend! I will be baking again tomorrow so I worked on a couple different desserts. Unfortunately, my chocolate cake recipe from The Culinary Institute Cookbook was not to die for... The icing was to die for not the cake. What did I do wrong?? The cake was'nt as moist as it should be...
So Bill is trying to help me put some pictures on here. Maybe soon.... Which would be better, chocolate cake creations or x-rays of my spine??? I'll take the chocolate cake!

home made granola...........

I woke up today with this horrible cold which was passed on from the boys. I had some coffee & made my own granola & somehow that stuff always makes me feel better. Must be the honey & cranberries in it. I think I'll start putting some pictures in this blog. I would much rather put my food creations in here than spine x-rays. Maybe I'll eventually change this to a food blog.....
I got the my dates for testing & pre-op for June & July. Do I feel better about that??? Yes! I just feel better with everything on the calendar. I think the office already has me down as a pain in the Ass patient.. already...
You know that guy on Miracle Workers (abc)?? I looked up his name it's Redmond Burke. He's actually a real Doctor... He comes walking into the surgery room in a beautiful suit. Wow!!! He'd certainly make me smile...................Ly

Patience..I say...

I think I have been handling all this surgery stuff fairly well. Of course I think of it every day whether it be early morning or late at night but I don't dwell on it..
But today was different.. I don't know if it was the warm weather making me feel like spring here or just that I feel I've almost reached the halfway mark of waiting. Have patience, I say to myself..& myself says stick it! I always was a patient person but today I am not! I seem to want to rush thru the next few months & Just Get This Over With! But I really don't want to rush thru Spring & part of the Summer without thoroughly enjoying it..I do want time to prepare & get in shape. So let me summarize this: I want the next 4 months or so to get things together & enjoy my freedom to go where I want to, do what I want but I want the operation day after tomorrow...? YES! It's just the waiting that sucks! My cousin was so right!
I emailed the nurse today to try & set up the June testing day. I also asked her to see if the Doctor could just give me some clue as to where I'll be fused. I want to be an L-4 or I'll take an L-5 at the lowest...please... I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
I guess at this point, I just want to know I'm not just another number to be called in. I won't even see my Doctor until July 27th for the pre-op & questions which is 5 days before I go in.. I really -really want most all of my questions answered before then. Even if I give the nurse a headache.... that's the way I feel...no patience! Ly

things I'd like to do before surgery.......

Bill just told me I should read Atlas Shrugged while I'm recovering from surgery. auughhh! I know it's a great piece of work but I think I'll look for something a little shorter...thks Bill...

things I'd like to do before surgery:

1 go to the beach...alot...
2. go on the rollercoaster by the beach with my boys
3. go to France ( only in my dreams, but my niece is there so I can look at her pictures & live
vicariously thru her)
4. learn French
5. ride my bike to Jen's house...up hill...
6. ride my bike anywhere
7. see lots of baseball games..(too many..)
8. work in my garden for hours
9. rollerblade (yes, I'll wear my helmet, mom)
10 Drink lots of red wine...
11. go to many, many restaurants far & near
12 watch David Letterman monalogues
13. Drink lots of white wine...
14. Have Turkish food.....I never have
15. Go to Niagara Falls (Bill told me to put that in since that's where he's taking us...)
16. Go to Cooperstown,Ny on our way to Niagara Falls.. to see theBaseball Hall of Fame...everyone should see that before surgery(somehow I don't think that is for me) . Bill told me to put that in...

things I'd like to do after surgery this August...


1. Be thankful for my life..
2. sleep well..
3. walk well..without a walker...
4. laugh without hurting myself
5. learn french (I'll be fluent )
6. look at my beach pictures
7. play board games with my boys
8. walk downstairs, & out the back door to look at my garden & hummingbirds...
9. read...I have a long list...that's another countdown...
10. watch movies...I have a long list........that's another countdown...
11. stay positive...that should be #1
12. record David Letterman monologue to watch( when I can laugh without
hurting myself...)
13. rent some good comedy movies (ditto...)
14. send notes to all my family & friends for their support...

Spring...yet???

Is it Spring yet? I am so ready for it! I am ready to do my spring clean-up...ready to garden again...ready to rollerblade while the boys ride their bikes... ah, yes...
I have been once again consumed by cookbooks... This past weekend I made a tomato,onion& basil tart with my own tart shell. I was grinning from ear to ear on making that tart shell! I also made some chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing from scratch & there are none left so they must have been good.
I am gearing up for my comfort food party on Friday...just a few couples, mind you, but I need to plan my menu.. It goes something like this: brisket in the crock pot with a brown sugar sauce, individual small beef bourginon pot pies/with puff pastry, shrimp scampi, & wings...oh & corn muffins.. I have been experimenting with desserts for weeks so something will stand out by weeks end...those cupcakes were good...
I really have not spent a lot of time thinking about my back..must not be hurting! Only thing I wonder is when the Doctor's office will send me my packet of information..I'm still on the early side but hey, by the end of March, I'll have only 4 mths to go?? I do have to confess that once again I had a dream(or nightmare) about waking up in surgery. There was no one there...where was everybody? So there that left me up with the birds this morning! I unfortunately can't control my subconscious..can I?! I do think of others that I have met from the forum who have had the surgery & are recooperating. I send them all my prayers & wish I could hug them all but that would hurt.. so I'll send them cyberhugs today (to Pips, Kat & Suzy in CA.) I can only guess what toll this all takes on the human body...& mind but don't let it take your souls!!!
Quote from Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet...And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy... page 52.............Ly

fortitude....

Well I have been bakin' away.. more & more biscotti & I created a few new flavors! Seems this place appreciates my talents. So it's not Emeril's place but it's a start! I just wish my back would'nt ache so much. It has been bothering me since last night when I was out at a friend's house. My mistake, I did'nt grab the couch in time & ended up on a straight back chair..not good for my spine. Tonight it still hurts & I think I'll need my herbal heating pad again. Hubby, Bill has started to call me granny....yikes!
Lately, it seems that I have become quite accepting of the whole scheme of things to come. I have stopped waking up at 5:00 am. & instead can't get up. I have been baking up a storm & Bill has been gaining weight! I am inspired now to paint the bedroom...& other projects. My new outlook on all of this has made me more positive & happy! I have wonderful boys & a loving husband! They will be fine through all of this....this I now know. This will be a very big challenge for all of us but now I feel we can handle it. Yes, I still have moments of doubt but not as bad.. The length of time I am under anesthesia scares me . All the pain killers, side effects of, scare me( I rarely ever take a Tylenol for anything). No appetite scares me(I love good food..& drink..) The Morning of Surgery scares me... do they put me out right away or do I sit there waiting for my Doctor & staff to get their coffees & donuts???these things I think of now.
I also get concerned about my Doctor. Will he be in great shape the day of my surgery? Will he have had enough sleep the night before since I could take 8 hours or more? a selfish concern, I know!!! I have even had more silly thought but that's enough...for tonight...
But now, at least, I don't plan on losing to much sleep over all off this cause what would that do for me?? Notin'......................ly

Sam,You made the pants too long...

I was just cleaning up the playroom where the computer sits and I started laughing when I thought what my mom said the other day.. I told her I'd be going shopping at the mall one day & she said & I quote: " Don't buy any pants because you might end up quite a bit taller this summer." My mother is very practical & always brings a smile to my lips!
Today I took Brett to his friend's birthday party & a movie. My jeans really dragged on the ground. I think this pair always did but I had to roll them up more. I already supposedly lost 3 to 4 inches already so I hope I hold there until this summer. I'll be happy if I at least gain 2 inches after these operations.....Ly

I feel great, so no operation???

Do you have those days when everything is right with you & the world & your back does'nt bother you??? & maybe you, like I, say"I don't need this operation after all"? I even went sleigh riding with the boys....I may pay for that later, perhaps....
Am I crazy to go thru with these operations...???? I mean I'll have two of them...will it mean twice the pain??? I can even put up with the pain I guess but the constipation..don't go there. It all brings back memories of the birth of my second child, Brett. I have wonderful memories, don't get me wrong, of his birth but after...the constipation was quite unpleasant...My nurses probably have not forgotten me.. still.
On a funny note, my husband Bill is already buying up a huge inventory of wines to endure the summer from Hell! He will need it(if he can save some away from me!!!) more later...Ly

more & more biscotti.....

Well I worked again yesterday baking my biscotti! I baked so much biscotti that I'm kind of sick of it at this point... I was on my feet the whole time & my back did ache by the late afternoon. I have to say that this morning I feel good! Maybe it's because the snowstorm is over. I probably have arthritis too???
I would like to eventually put my x-rays on the blog but my curve is really, well, really curvey!! Hope to get it on at some point.
Pips seems to be doing well as expected!!! Only one operation, great news! Seems the Dr's feel the thoracic curve will correct itself over time! I so wish that will be my case too! I really don't think so since I was told it will be 2 operations, one after the other....Oh well, you can only hope-right?? I have the kyphosis(80%) which will take some time to straighten out...I guess...
I found my french tapes while cleaning out the storage room & I think I'll get back to learning a language when I'm recooperating this late summer/fall...
well got to finish making my black bean soup & then on to experimenting with some new desserts while watching the Olympics.

ps. good wishes to pips & kat(have'nt heard from her yet but sure she'll be keying in soon)

So my husband informed me last night he'll do the laundry once a week or every 2 weeks when I'm disabled this summer. Does he have any clue how much laundry is done here?Is he kidding??No, of course not...don't sweat the small stuff I tell myself.
My mom also informed him that he will see her way too much this summer/fall. Can you see my 79 yr old mother cleaning my toilets?? AUgghh! She is in great shape but please!!!! I know my husband won't clean them. Anyway, I know I won't be thking of that kind of stuff when I come home from surgery...
I did just get a p/t job yesterday. I'll be doing some baking for a gourmet deli by me. They liked my biscotti. This is will be a good thing & keep me more busy for now. In the future, after I get through with this challenge, I'd like to find a way to help others who have similar operations that leave them helpless & dependent on others. Maybe I could volunteer my cooking services or do laundry or grocery shop....
Just thought I'd mention that I found a internet site on scoliosis & it had a woman's story about her decision to have the surgery. It was a very- very detailed account of her hospital stay. What tubes were in her etc...... I pretty much skipped much of it. I like Spine whine's diary of it all....was more acceptable to me...................Ly

confessions...

I decided from today on, I will only vent my back complaints here. Let's face it, my husband & best friends have heard enough already(esp. my husband). But my back HURTS today. Ok, I confess, I got the leaf blower out yesterday & cleared the backyard of left over leaves. I mean it was so warm out for a so- called winter day. & how heavy is the leaf blower?? But when I woke up, I was more twisted than usual. Maybe it just the way I slept.... sometimes I feel like my ribes are touching my hips when I sit & they probably are...yikes
Today I feel like I just want to get this over with(already!) maybe I'll feel different tomorrow?I'm sure pips & kat can relate....They're almost there.

5 a.m.

5 a.m. is the worse time for me.......I wake up & I'm thinking about my dumb back. I know I'm getting more accepting of this whole thing day by day but 5 a.m. stinks! Time to get on & enjoy the day........................lel

Exercise with a smile!

I stated my' walk' program yesterday. My girlfriend, who was a physician's assistant(ironically!) prior to having her kids, decided to go with me. We bundled up & ventured out into the windy winter weather of NJ! I felt so good when I got home, it was invigorating!
I have this enormous craving to do everything(within reason) physically, that I can fit in-in the next 7 mths! Is that about all I have,already??? I want to cross country ski again...I wanna rollerblade this spring....I want to sky-dive(ok-I won't do that this spring or next for that matter) I want to walk, walk, walk everywhere!!! God knows I'll be sitting on my butt after this operation for a while reading,watching tv, reading....in pain! Ouch! & I thought root canal was bad. I actually never had pain with root canal....
I got a copy of my insurance predetermination sent to me & I had to gasp! It listed all the hardware that was needed for the op! It sounded like the list my carpenter would need to work on the house! cement,screws, metal rods???tell me know more!!! As long as I don't rust, I'll be ok...or squeak like the tin man.
My boys always like friends over to play. One boy from my son's class came over the other day. When the mom picked him up, she asked when my son could come over. I really wanted to say-AUGUST!!! SEPTEMBER!!! But I did'nt.... But I know my good friends with kids will help me out at that time. I hope.......
Oh, one other note...my husband on pouring a glass of wine last night, reminded me I'd better enjoy the cabernet now!!! Believe me, I'm not a heavy drinker but I do like my cabernet sauvignon when I do up my special dinner recipes...tonight I'm making beef bourgignon. you can't have that without wine!!!! LEL

I don't know why I'm so happy & sad.....

My mom turns 80 this spring! My oldest sister has organized a mini get-away for the 4 of us to Maryland in June. It will be a nice surprise for my mom. My sister thought it would be good timing for me too before the August surgery. It's funny, but I can't remember the last time the 4 of us were together (without the men & kids). It will be nice.
My husband is also busy planning some trips for me & the kids before August comes. Maybe a cross country skiing & sledding trip to start. And I'm sure he'll find some other destinations to take us to after that... we'll be busy!
Today, I fell into a bit of a funk around mid-day. I think I heard a song that struck a chord & made me teary. It was a rainy, crummy day, of course. Though it was'nt long before I felt 'up' again. I just presume Ill have all different emotions throughout the next few months. Certain times, I just get so scared about the whole thing. My cousin who had an operation last summer said waiting sucks......& today I have to agree..................

I have a surgery date.....

The nurse/coordinator called back today & gave me August 1st for my surgery. I feel so much better with a date. My girlfriend e-mailed me with " I like the thought of body work being done as a new month begins, good omen". I laughed. I hope so. I think I'll sleep good tonight....
Just a note: I hate my blog name but The Learning Curve was taken. I liked Curve City but my husband said I'd get whacky e-mails.....would like to change it but don't know how?? Backattack sounds to rough....
also would like to add my x-rays but still new to how to do that?

set the date........

My boys & a friend are doing a sleepover tonight. All I hear is them laughing in the next room at Madagascar on the tv. My husband's enjoying it too, with his eyes closed.
I really do feel so much better. There's no pain in my side anymore. I slept great the last 2 nights. I guess I feel my back dilemma is resolved. I called this past Friday & left a message for the nurse that I was good to go for August whenever... pick a lucky date! Now it went thru my mind that it's vacation time in August & I hope all the important medical personnel would be there. Otherwise, I'm flexible..I don't want any substitutes if you know what I mean. Whatever's good for my Doctor, & I'll be there. So I'll probably hear back next week with a date to mark on my calendar.
So today I was observing how often I bend down for whatever... I bend picking up all the dirty clothes that have been dropped on the floor. There's a piece of brownie I pick up. All the old newspapers I grab. I have to pick up Brett's matchbox cars or I'll kill myself trying to walk thru the den. It's really gonna be hard not to bend! Then I thought of the things I could do when I'm recovering. I used to sketch. Maybe I'll be able to do that. Just have to move my hand-right? That should be ok. I could try knitting again if there's a left handed friend that could refresh my memory on it. I'll start to jot down some movies I must see or see again.... Breakfast at Tiffany's( I love audrey hepburn movies) Giant with Elizabeth Taylor,rock hudson, James Dean. Will keep my blockbuster card ready for future use. I have a feeling my guitar will be rough to hold early on so perhaps later in my recovery...
In the next few months I will hopeful prepare, at least in my mind, what I need to do before I'm out of commission for a while. I think I'll start to meditate........that will help!

Decision time..........

I talked to the Dr.'s nurse yesterday on the phone. Asked her about a surgery for August... She said they are up to booking march and april now. Did I thk she'd say we are booked forAugust??? maybe?? I did'nt know what to say. She said "talk to your family & then decide". When I asked how much they could correct my curve, she said everyone's different, they really can't tell until they open you up. I do know that after meeting my Dr.just once, I intuitively feel I have fallen into the best surgical hands there are. I had 2 signs that lead me to his office in last month. My boys Dr. had noticed my back early this summer,& said she had a patient who's mom had surgery by him and was doing well. She got his phone # for me. I really did'nt think I would call... A couple weeks later, I turned on Good Morning America for the weather & there was a Dr. & a little girl he had helped . Seemed she had a severe scoliosis case... His name sounded like the one my kids Dr. gave me. I ran down to the computer & typed it in...it was!!! I feel that some force, spirit, angels, god, whatever, got me to move my butt on this issue & get checked. I was just scared to go cause I knew it was'nt gonna be pretty!!! Thank god, I stopped being a coward & did it. Now the next step is really much harder. I feel like I'm diving off a cliff! I've never been a good decision maker & now the decision of all decisions...needs to be made. & I think I'm coming around...

today......

I don't have any set surgery date yet but I know I will within the month. It's the right decision, I know now. I'm afraid to look at my x-rays again. They are truly scary so I won't put them on my blog yet! The curves are 60 thoracic & 60 lumbar, with a thoracolumbar curve of 95. I'm really proud of facing my fears & going into the Big Apple to be checked by a specialist. And he says he can fix me, somehow..... I could only hold the tears back so long & then....that was that. My husband had to ask the questions. I guess the last few years I've been worried since the Dr. I went to in NJ. told me I should have had an operation when I was 15-end of story, goodbye. And I cried then too when I got out the door.. I did'nt like him anyway. He was ugly & did'nt have good posture....goodbye too!!!
Can ya imagine how many people in NYC have scoliosis??? I honestly never thought there was so many people that had it until I read the sciolosis forum. Wow! I was amazed. I learned a bundle in a couple days. Is'nt the internet just great?! People on the forum were talking about the pain involved, the drugs to kill the pain & their incisions.....and the hardware used to straighten them out. Did they have front or back surgery or both??? I think I absorbed too much to soon. I needed to rest. My back hurt.
Then I wonder how my 3 men are going to handle this? I'm sure they will do fine. They will have to count me out of kickball & baseball this summer if I'm operated on. I'll be the cheerleader...that's not so bad............

my very own blog! 1st note...my opener

Hi all! Like anyone but me is reading this?! This will be my therapy....my journal of da spine!
Let me give you a little backround of what brought me to this crooked point in my life. At about 15, I was diagnosed with scoliosis. I went with my parents to NY Medical to see Dr. Engler(what a nice man he was-wonder if he is still living. Looked him up on the internet but no luck. Geez, he's got to be 80...) Anyhow, the answer was I needed a back brace. We went to Monsey,NJ to have a milwaukee brace made. Casted on my bod.....what an experience! Yuk! I wore it for about 2 years. It was kind of rough cause I had teeth braces too & all that metal on my body made me nervous in lightning storms. I did play tennis (on the High school team) with my brace. Learned a really cool backhand too! My highlight of the brace memories was having an hour out every day in the summer to swim-yippee! I also rememer Brian whatever, after a tennis match, putting his arm around me and feeling that solid hip. What a woman!
That's all I remember of that. The brace went in the garbage & I went on to college. It was said my curves balanced each other!
Well I went along livin' my life. Which I must say has been really good. I have a great husband & 2 really cute boys. they are 7 & 10. I would'nt change a thing... but I gotta tell you, that second pregnancy knocked my spine out a whack. That was 6 years ago. That's when I started feeling the old crooked spine ache. I belive that's when I lost height. Pregnancy does take its toll on us women. I made the right decision to hold at 2......& I could'nt be any happier!